Mood: Guilty and tired
Listening to: Too Little, too late - JoJo

Ever since that happened. The incident, I dunno. I'm hesitant about... everything. Yesterday, I seriously felt so loved. I felt that feeling once again. That feeling that someone actually cares for you. I saw that with my friends. With Ekah, Mommy Kai, Camille, my real friends.

I thought about, leaving SjPhils, the forum world, my world. I thought that, it would be easier that way. Many times that I have thought of doing this, but I couldn't. I wouldn't dare do it. Escaping is not the key to problems. I have to face them. I feel so tired already, like, I'm slowly deteriorating.

I suddenly remembered one of thise quotes we have from International Studies.. "We must learn from history because it will keep on repeating until we learn.." If that's so, why is this happening to me again?

Yesterday, I was with Ekah in G4. I was smiling. Smiles. My favorite mask. I'd just crack up jokes and smile to everyone, but what they don't know, I'm dying. It's too much pain for me. But, I was getting by. I can get through this right? I got through it before, I can get through it again... right? I have to be strong. I must be strong.

My heart is getting worse. I'm not supposed to be stressed or get mad or be emotionally unstable. It's the worst thing that could happen to me right now. But it is. It's wrong to supress it all inside, but what do I do? What can I do?

Last night, I couldn't be any happier. My friends made me so happy. Maybe, if it wasn't for them, I won't be here anymore. I owe alot to those people who keep me sane enough to continue living my complicated and darn life. I won't be having single replies like a forum, I just want to tell everyone, Thank You. Thank you for teaching me alot of lessons. Thank you for showing me that my life is still worth living after all these. I love each and eveyone of you.

to May: Kambal, *hugs* I understand you dear. I know na nahihirapan ka. I just want to say, please don't be guilty of something you did not do. I am not pointing to anyone. I am merely pissed off by everything that is happening. Dear, you do know that we are always here right? and you can tell us your problems right? that's why we have each other, so we can help one another. May, seriously, we love you and you know that right? almost 2 years of friendship, I think I can pretty much say that I know you already. Just, take all the time you need okay? We're just here. I'm here.. We can get through this.

I can't say anything anymore. I dunno. I feel tired. School, Academics, Organizations, Friends and now... this. I can't take it anymore.

Oh, just a happy thought, Ekah, my boyfriend, gave me SungMinnie! a cute small stuffed bear. It's color was blondish brown so I thought, SungMin!!! plus it's small so it's SungMin. XD added to my collection!

another happy thought, Cam gave me moffins this morning. YUP. MOFFINS. with an O. hahaha. It was okay, there were some missing ingredients but it ws fine unlike the one last week. XD

Last edit. hahaha. Vina, my classmate in Persef and NSTP is a shinhwa fan. XD She recognized the dong bang shin gi pin that I had on my bag. It's.. cool. I thought that me, che and lola tin were the only fangirls in dlsu.