mood: happy
listening to: I'm not missing you - Stacie Orrico

I'll post here, what I posted in SJ Philippines thread, Suju Dream Thread.

one of the most awesome dreams I've had of them.. was last night.

I know I feel so bad these past few days, and with this dream, I'm really happy.

I was walking along in dlsu, with a duffel bag. On my own to the sports complex. I went in the elevator and got off at 9th floor. I was wearing jogging pants and a racer back shirt. As soon as I entered one of the rooms, where we'd usually hold our dance classes, there were alot of people in. Some were dancing and the majority were watching. As soon as the music stopped, I heard my name called so I rushed in and dropped my bag in the corner. I was so nervous, I just stood there while everyone's eyes were on me. Suddenly, a hand held my shoulder, I looked back, it was DongHae. He smiled at me and said, "We can get through it together". I smiled at him as he stood next to me. When the music started playing, eunhyuk appeared on my other side. I was happy. Dancing with the two of them... then... then...

I woke up.. -___-"

but nonetheless, I love that dream. It had a significance in my life, especially now.

So, I wanna explain further that significance I'm taking about. I'm really hppy to have this dream. Especially that line, we can get through it together. I've been having alot of difficulties these past few days and I'm glad to lessen the burden now.

I think that, my dream is telling me that, I can get through anything as long as I have my friends with me. I understand why only DongHae and EunHyuk were the only ones there. It goes to show that, even if I have few friends, I can get through anything as long as I have them. That, quality is more than quantity. Those LSDC people, their significance are my trials and problems in life. They are all around me, staring at me, watching me carefully. And DongHae and HyukJae are there, to defend me. To catch me when I fall.

Last night, as Ekah said on her blog, the truth is already revealed. And it hurts. It damn well hurts. I thought, I'll be happy knowing the truth, but instead it hurted me more. I cried endlessly again last night and I'm happy I had let it all out.

I'm not mad at her, still. I'm not going to do anything and get even with her. I'm just going to keep quiet and continue with my life. You might call me a martyr or something but, I just don't want to cause anymore pain to other people. I'd rather be the one hurt that other people getting hurt. I know it's wrong, but what am I to do? it already happened. I can't turn back time now. All is done.

I don't think I can forgive or forget. To those people who know me, they'd understand. I'll just bury it in a treasure chest on my heart where all my pain lies. It's like, I have pandora's box in my heart. Where all the evil and madness stays. and when I get curious, I'd open it and it all comes out. It poisons my body. I know I cannot do this, but this is how I am.

I wanna say thank you once again. I can't do it personally again because, I'm going to cry.

I just wanna say thanks to those people who believe in me. To those people who stood by my side and told me the truth. To those people who told me, I can get through it and everything would be alright. to those who told me that I'm strong and that I am worth more than that person. To Mommy Kai, Ekah, Cherilyn, Ate Tin, Camille and to everyone who made me strong. THANK YOU.

I'm happier than ever. I'll get through this.